Joe Marler 'turned house over' before leaving wife at lowest point of depression (2024)

England prop Joe Marler has opened up about his experiences with depression, the "lowest point" running out on his wife, Daisy, and measures he's taken to improve his mental health.

Harlequins star Joe Marler has been open in the past regarding his struggles with mental health, but the England prop has ventured into new detail regarding the depths of his experiences with depression.

A two-time Premiership champion and one of the best front-rowers of his generation, Marler has spent a decade at the elite level and borne all the pressures that come with such a career.

The rugby community was stunned when Marler, 31, announced his retirement from the national team in September 2018, less than a year out from the most recent Rugby World Cup.

But the Premiership powerhouse appeared on the latest episode of the England Rugby Podcast: O2 Inside Line, admitting his escape from Eddie Jones ' squad was merely avoiding the issue at hand.

"It wasn't until 2018 when I pulled out of the England squad [and] officially retired because I thought 'enough was enough', and I was sort of at a low point and thought being part of the England rugby team and that sort of spotlight was an added pressure I didn't need, and taking that away, I'd be alright.

"It didn't make a difference. I was still struggling at home, still struggling with family life. We had two young kids and another one due, and I couldn't work out what was going on."

The retirement proved short-lived as he returned to the international fold and played his part in the Red Rose team that ran to second in Japan two years ago.

Marler has since started a successful podcast, The Joe Marler Show, and presented a Sky Sports documentary called 'Big Boys Don't Cry', which aired during Mental Health Awareness Week earlier this year.

The Eastbourne native has deservedly been praised for his honesty after detailing the worst of his depression, which saw him abandon the family home while wife Daisy was heavily pregnant with their third child.

"My lowest point ended up happening at home. I completely lost the plot and turned the house over and ran out on my wife, left her," Marler explained.

"She was seven months pregnant at the time. I just left her on the floor crying her eyes out. I just drove off not wanting to be here anymore.

"That was the moment where I was just like: 'I need help. I need help'.

"So I did, I went and got help, went and saw a psychiatrist called Humphrey. I was like 'I'm not comfortable doing this, even with someone called Humphrey'.

"And I got there, and what an incredible, lovely bloke he was. Spoke about a lot of things with him. He diagnosed me with depression, and I was like 'yeah, okay, mate'."

It was after he visited a psychiatrist that Marler began medicating his mental health, but even after receiving professional help the player admits he was "very much trying to fight it."

The 120-kilogram, mohawk-sporting appearance may give outsiders the impression of a tough guy, but the Quins talisman appears a sensitive and charismatic character at his core.

Marler has said in the past he could be on anti-depressants for "six months, six years, or the rest of my life," but he's an advocate for medication as a method of addressing certain mental health problems.

Earlier in his career, the pressure of putting a foot wrong and failing to fulfil expectations acted as a weight on the front-row star, but counselling also allowed him to address deep-rooted issues.

"The more I delved into it, the more I realised I needed to open myself up. I needed to allow myself to experience these things in order to move forward," he continued.

"Since that point, I'm so glad of the things I've discovered, both about myself but also about the people around me, and the experiences have enabled me to enjoy life that bit more.

"Now I've got an understanding where mental health, to me, is very similar to my physical health. It's just harder to measure. Physical health, you know when you're run down, you can feel it.

"I was like 'you can't do that with your mental health', but you can! You can. And it's as important as your physical health. And now I do stuff to make my mental health be in a good place, as opposed to a bad place—which it still can do at times."

Collin Osborne, Marler's former academy coach at Harlequins, also appeared on the podcast and said his old charge "definitely" had mood swings as a youth.

A lot has changed since he first joined the club's set-up in 2009, and Marler believes masculinity in rugby union is "going through a bit of a change at the minute."

Having struggled with opening up to his peers in the past, he assures "it's okay to show emotion. It's okay to communicate openly. It's okay to say how you feel rather than bottling it all up."

Marler last year teamed up with the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) for a campaign encouraging men to be more honest and speak to their close acquaintances should they need to.

Jonny Wilkinson, another England alumnus and hero of the 2003 Rugby World Cup final, has also been candid regarding his mental health issues and launched a campaign with health insurer Vitality in 2019.

The rugby community still has a long road ahead in creating safe spaces for players and other members to feel welcome in expressing their emotions, but role models like Marler can only be a positive in that pursuit.

"Everyone has the ability to show your emotion. You have the ability to show empathy and kindness when it's needed—to anyone," Marler concluded.

"The thing that made the most difference to me was accepting who I was, having a bit more self-awareness of whom I am and how I can help the people around me."